Raziel9000: Are you good at holding back your tears?
Cloudburst7: I felt very unfairly treated by my father while growing up. But I used to worship him so everytime he hurt my feelings id tear up and not be able to hold the tears back.. Which would enrage him even more and he'd mock me more and make me feel even smaller. Then one day I finally realized that it wasn't worth it. Now, there isn't much that will make me cry. And whatever it is, I can hold it back because it won't be co,omg from such a deep emotional place. I don't think anyone has that power over me anymore.
ColorStorm: That makes me feel sad. =/ (not that it's as bad as my father was, but i can feel for others regardless.) that's messed up.
Cloudburst7: How was your father?
ColorStorm: he would blow up in fits of rage on a daily basis, and about minor things that pissed him off that you could never predict or hope to avoid
ColorStorm: his rage was more intense and nasty and emotionally digging than you've probably ever seen
ColorStorm: and he was the epitome of harshness in the way he delt with his family, he truly didn't give a shit about what you felt, he'd just say it was tough shit
ColorStorm: no leniency
ColorStorm: one random memory: as a kid, crying to myself in my room for hours like i did almost every night, and he threatened to "punch the shit out of me" if i didn't
ColorStorm: shut up
ColorStorm: so i did... i had to cut off a part of myself to do that
ColorStorm: my childhood was a living hell, and my father was to me what the archetype of satan is to christians.